Humorous Review Israeli Dating Ads

These are actual Personal Ads from Israeli newspapers:

Shmuel Gabbai, 36.
I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to
take you out Saturday night.
Please write POB 81.

Couch potato latke in search of the right applesauce.
Let's try it for 8 days.
Who knows?
POB 43

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul,
light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build
Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs -
Religion not important.
POB 658

Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get or can
get get.
Get it?
I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.
POB 72.

Sincere rabbinical student, 27, enjoys Yom Kippur,
Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedalia,
Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar b'Tammuz.
Seeks companion for living life in the 'fast' lane.
POB 90.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos.
Seeks same in woman.
POB 43.

Nice Jewish guy, 38.
No skeletons.
No baggage.
No personality.
POB 76

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar,
exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch.
No weirdos, please.
POB 56.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles,
Chanukah candles, havdallah candles,
Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.
POB 787.

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your
heart to, share your innermost thoughts and deepest
secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your
insecurities. No fatties, please
POB 86.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent,
self-made, looking for girl whose father will hire me.
POB 22.